


D&D Isn't Supposed To Be a Child's Game

by OverMyFreckledBody



Series: Why the Gang Shouldn't Game [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: (and eren but), (first jean/dragon now its jean/marco what if dragon/jean/marco? hm new idea), Characters playing Dungeons and Dragons, Poor Armin, and mikasa tbh, and this is short but longer than the last, i am still a nerd, its basically just me showing how much i cant not put a little jm haaaaa, kind of. theyre mostly fucking around at this point, oh yes that means there is some underlying jean/marco, silliness once again because thats all this damn au is, they are all fucking up my plans of writing something professionally, this one is actually a huge mess im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-28
Updated: 2016-02-28
Packaged: 2018-05-23 17:46:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6124972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OverMyFreckledBody/pseuds/OverMyFreckledBody
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Now it's Armin that is tired of all the bullshit. It's mostly Jean's fault.</p><p>Jean really needs to sort out his love life.</p><p>Oh, and Mikasa's here to party this time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	D&D Isn't Supposed To Be a Child's Game

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Achrya](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Achrya/gifts).



> THANK YOU ACHARYA FOR UNDERSTANDING THE PAIN THAT IS KEEPING THE TWO NERDS OUT OF PLACES THEY AREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE. MAY WE CONTENTIOUSLY FAIL AND LET THEM HAVE THEIR FUN.
> 
> Basically: I am a mistake and so is this.
> 
> No music this time bc I've been listening to the You on Kazoo Trap Remix for like 3 days now and honestly that doesn't fit this at all.

Eren had _somehow_ convinced Mikasa to join them for _one_ map, just to see how she’d like it. If she didn’t enjoy the game, he wouldn’t bug her about playing (though he’d probably still send her texts at 4 am just to tell her what was happening like he already did). He had mentioned what classes they had picked out (all being pretty much their usual style of characters, though Sasha switched up her morals because it was always more fun to be chaotic) and what was easiest to play in the beginning.

 

She had come in, slipping into the seat to the right of Eren and closest to Armin, across from Connie, and dropped her _Player’s Handbook_ onto the table with a small _thunk_ , a couple sheets of paper closed between the pages. Pulling them out, Eren and the rest of the table was a little surprised to see that she had wanted to play a… _Druid_ … on her first run. She had argued that she felt like the description was something she could easily relate to and would be fun to play out, so that was what she had chosen.

 

After the initial shock wore off, everyone seemed to shrug it off with the reminder that she can ask questions and that they would help as much as they could. Then, the tiles were laid out (for Mikasa’s sake, Armin told them, when they seemed confused at his generosity. Usually he just made them bring grid paper.) and their story begun.

 

To make it simple, Armin started them all out in a tavern. After it was described - plain, with lots of stools and fairly attractive bar keeps wiping away glasses behind the counter, a low buzz of conversation from many differing languages filling the air, to sum it up - Jean immediately started, planning on giving her a warm welcoming.

 

“I-” he paused, pointing at Mikasa with a sly grin, something that made her assume he was about to pull something stupid. “What’s your character’s name again?”

 

Eren groaned and shot a look towards the other, “Don’t you fucking da-”

 

Interrupting him, Mikasa responded calmly with, “Mikasa. I wanted to keep it easy since this is my first game and well, I’m human. She’s human. It’s good enough.”

 

“Even better.” He replied, picking up a die and looking her straight in the eye as he then went on with, “I seduce Mikasa.”

 

Mikasa made a face at him as he then rolled his die, ignoring the even louder groan Eren admitted and how Connie smacked his face right into his palms. Marco took a deep breath through his nose as Armin turned to Mikasa, eyes telling her that he would explain in a moment, “Roll for willpower and then add-”

 

She confirmed the rest of his message with a nod as she grabbed for her own die and rolled it, about to add her bonus when she noticed that he had gotten a _3_ , which wouldn’t even compare to her base _6_ even adding in her saves. She then looked up at Armin, opening her mouth to ask if that meant that he _hadn’t_ actually just seduced her, but Eren got there first.

 

“I stab Jean’s ugly ass character right in the fucking balls.”

 

“That would start a fight, Eren,” Armin retorted, with little trace of irritation in his voice. Mikasa assumed that this happened a lot.

 

“Then I give him a good, hearty punch to the gut.”

 

“That would _also_ start a bar fight.”

 

“I pickpocket whatever gold he has on him.”

 

“He is a Rogue, I am sure he would notice, and you literally just stated your intentions right here in front of him. He would roll for perception.”

 

Pursing his lips, Eren was quiet for a moment, still staring at his best friend while he tried to think up an idea to get back at Jean for attempting to seduce Mikasa. It didn’t take long for him to then grin and say, “I slap him hard on the back and imitate the sound of an explosion.”

 

Nodding, Armin gestured to Jean, “Roll for ego-hit.”

 

“Oh, shut the fuck up, coconut.” Jean sneered and dodged Eren’s kick from under the table. When he turned to see Marco snickering into his palm, the look on his face turned from a scowl to something of scandalized betrayal, which, of course, only brought Marco to laugh harder.

 

“I’m sorry, Jean,” he wheezed between bouts of laughter, but the way Jean’s jaw set itself after his words told everyone that he knew Marco wasn’t really terribly sorry. “That was just really-”

 

Interrupting with a sneer (something that pulled at the edges of Marco’s mouth, Mikasa noticed), Jean picked his die back up again, “Whatever. Fine. I seduce-” he paused, reaching forward to grab Marco’s character sheet, irritated frown morphing into a confused one when he read the name, “Seriously? You named your Cleric ‘Father Bodt’?”

 

Sasha looked over, both pride and disgust somehow etched on her face and murmured, “Oh my god,” as Marco then broke into giggles, Jean still staring at him, head cocked in his disbelief.

 

Leaning over the table, Connie ignored Armin’s narrowed eyes as he settled both his elbows onto the game tiles and leaned right into Mikasa’s face. “Jean tries to seduce every new player. I wouldn’t take it personally.”

 

“And _they_ do _this_ nearly every time,” Eren griped, jerking his head towards the two conversing boys who both rolled their dice after Marco’s quip of how Jean would need a pick up line to go with his roll. “Don’t see why they don’t fuck outside the game already. I mean, they probably do, but they have yet to come out about it.”

 

Mikasa nodded in response. Even before she had agreed to join their sessions, she still could tell that the boys had some underlying tension. To begin with, they were both incredibly touchy and always disregarding personal space (after Jean ended up with a higher roll he leaned in close, chin in palm and eyelids too hooded to not be purposeful as he purred, “Your armor’s that shitty level one stuff, isn’t it? I bet my bedsheets would give better stats. Wanna prove it?”). Then, there was the whole thing where if either of them brought up some date, the other would turn downright bitter and upset until it _magically_ “didn’t work out”.

 

She’d seen porn with less sexual tension then the two of them seemed to produce around each other.

 

They grabbed their die again (to roll to see if their character is good in bed, Connie explained when he caught her curious eye) and Marco turned away to look at Armin, “If he doesn’t roll well enough, can I take some of his gold and pass myself off as a prostitute?”

 

Armin shrugged his go ahead.

 

Squawking in outrage at the sudden pressure to roll well, Jean glanced incredulously between Marco, his character sheet, and Armin. “Really? A hooker who is also part of his God’s-” Marco corrected him on his _Goddess’_ , “temple, fighting with us, named ‘Father Bodt’ is really okay, here?”

 

“Explains the absurd name,” Sasha admitted, earning herself a high five from Connie, who finally sat back down beside her.

 

“Maybe this’ll teach you to either stop sleeping with everything that moves or boost your bonuses.” Armin replied, shooting a look to Mikasa which she took at _Do you see what I deal with here?_ before continuing, “It’s all just whatever this game, I guess. I mean, if you wanted, you could even go fuck a dragon.”

 

Both Connie and and Sasha burst into giggles then, not even bothering to hide them behind the backs of their hands like Marco did. Jean frowned, opening his mouth to retort, but Eren, apparently not interested (and figuring that Mikasa wasn’t either) faced her to carry on their own conversation, “Someday, one of them are gonna play as a female character and they’re gonna get pregnant with a child or some shit. I mean, they get married every other game, so why not raise a child as well?”

 

Jean paused in his argument, then, and Mikasa realized just how loudly Eren had muttered his words, because Jean’s voice went softer, becoming more of a question than a snap of a response, “Wait, can I-”

 

“Nope,” answered Armin, who closed his eyes, reminding her of Carla and how she would get when Eren asked too many questions all at once - that very same tired look in her eye.

 

“But you said-”

 

“Prostitutes are different than switching your character up, Jean.”

 

“But we haven’t even started,” he gave a short whine, to which Marco gave him a sympathetic frown and pat on the back.

 

Shaking his head, Armin picked up his notes (they looked heavy, perhaps for the storyline?) and faced them instead. “You seduced Marco, the game has started and you did something. Now if you would please stop fooling around, you have a village to save.”

 

Slumping back against his seat, Jean only looked up again when Marco rewarded him with a small smile, a hand on his arm, and the mumble of, “If it’s any consolation, you rolled well and I won’t be stealing your cash.”

 

Armin sent him a dirty look and cleared his throat before looking down at his papers again.

**Author's Note:**

> Mikasa probably never wants to play with them again.
> 
> My writing/snk tumblr is [here](overmyfreckledbody.tumblr.com). 
> 
> Kudos and comments are greatly appreciated, as are mentions of typos and shit. Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed.


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